Working Jet Pack Lasts For Hours

I need one and I need to use it to cross Lake Superior and I need it now.

I Have Too Many Nipples, Send Help ASAP!

A couple of nights ago I was listening to Loveline and they had a caller in her early twenties who had only just discovered that she had an extra nipple. I scoffed. Oh, how I scoffed.

And then today I found one on ME.

How can this be? I'm 28! I don't even want the boobs I've got!

I always knew it was there, but I thought it was just a weird raised extra-sensitive mole. It was only when I was reading about the phenomenon on Google that I realized my mole was along the classical mammalian booby line and investigated more closely. At that point it finally hit me that the damn thing looks exactly like a miniature tittyswitch. It even has a partial aureola! How did I miss that?

Then came denial. This is not my beautiful radio dial tuned to 69.1, the Pleasure Station! Then anger. What wretched god of whimsy glued this misguided little endcap on there, and why couldn't they have put another one in on the other side for symmetry?

At this point I skipped depression because that's boring and landed straight on exhuberant acceptance. What novelty! What fun! Shall I pierce it? Shall I put ice on it and see if it gets hard? Cover it with a sticker for modesty in the event of tank top malfunction? Take photos and post them to the internet so my enemies can mock me to my very dying hour? Oh, I'm so excited by all these new possibilities!

Superfluous Nipple, you're the best toy ever.

Art Post

This sucker kept me up all night and blew my carefully cultivated schedule to little bitty bits, but I am so immensely pleased by the product of my mania that basically I refuse to feel bad about it :)

Who's a Wuzzums?

YOU'RE A WUZZUMS.

Runaway Jury Review

Runaway Jury was a pretty good movie, but I was disappointed by the switch from tobacco to gun control as the central plot. The book worked because the lawsuit was interesting and based on real-life tobacco industry litigation . In the movie, they gutted and replaced the hot topic with a flimsy case involving a single company gleefully selling guns to criminals, with a wicked corporate lawyer as villain. You could have written the resulting courtroom drama with zero knowledge of legal procedure, and that's really not a big draw for Grisham fans. They made a flimsy case and I didn't appreciate the emotional appeal (schmaltzy music and footage of children playing safely in a gun-free utopia, hurray!).

With such a meh Big Bad, the whole cat and mouse game just doesn't hang together as well. It was a damn shame, because that part of the story was riveting and really wanted a grander payoff.

I guess with all the media fascination with school shootings in the past decade, they thought it would be more intense and topical than taking yet another swing at Big Tobacco's all too boring sociopathy. At least I got a page inked during the film. And hey, the book's still on the shelf. As Stephen King once said, "they can't change a word." But don't get me started on the mondo ass rapings he's had to endure with his fiction. I'd be here all night and it's bedtime.