My right nostril was blocked, so I blew my nose. All seemed well for about a minute, and then the nostril began to make crunchy little "tick tick" noises even when I wasn't breathing. The ticking grew more persistent until suddenly blood came pouring out in a flood. I grabbed for a kleenex as I watched it splatter my nice clean shirt, but the bleeding ebbed almost instantly after the initial flood and I didn't end up needing it.
I can't help but wonder. Did very small terrorists just bomb my fucking sinuses?
March 26, 2009
Lucid Dreaming Again, Holy Cow
Damn, it happened again! I was chasing a train through the city on my bike, trying to catch up with someone who was inside. The city was full of strange intersections and alleyways, tunnels and overpasses. I was going faster than a car, weaving in and out of traffic and always just behind the train.
The train went into a long and curving tunnel where I lost sight of it through a mass of gridlock that shut me out. I veered left towards the other end of the tunnel to cut the train off as it came out, and I knew I had to move fast and take some risks or I'd lose it for good.
I swerved around a guard rail over the edge of the overpass and soared downward. As my bike left the pavement, I looked down, and too late I realized how high up I had been. I was falling hundreds of feet onto the back of the emerging train. There was no way I could land and survive.
My entire body jolted with a spike of nightmare-adrenaline, and once again I felt my conscious mind intervene. "This is not real," I told myself, "And I'm not going to die this way." At that, my falling slowed to a stop. The tracks slowly rose up. I was moving the city, bringing the ground slowly up to meet my wheels, the way I had expected it to be when I first took the shortcut.
At the same time, I realized that if I kept controlling the action I was going to wake up. I was beginning to feel my body, lying on the bed, and I knew that if I moved so much as a finger it would break the spell and I would lose the dream. I tried halfheartedly to fly like a bird, but it didn't work because I had begun to question my abilities. Too much awareness, not enough fantasy. I was thinking about how best to balance the state in the future as I gradually released control of the dream and allowed it to continue.
I lost the train in the time it took me to touch down, but that didn't matter much. See, the whole chase was just a video game anyway, and I knew I would beat my score with no problem on my next try. Then it was all about swimming at a lake with the Captain, and a white and gentle dog the size of a bear was showing me a tiny kitten who was its dearest compantion. Its paw was so huge the kitten could have used it as a bed. I spent the rest of the dream looking at posters of bad anime fanart, and woke up sicker than yesterday, with my puppy curled up beside me on the bed.
Now for some analysis: So far, every time I've cut into a dream, it's been to stop a terrifying thing from happening. The jolt of full-body fear seems to be the signal, right back to the first one. So my question is: am I having more nightmares this month than I ever used to, or am I setting these terrible situations up as a trigger to the lucidity that has begun to increase? Hmm.
Every dream I have is linked to the previous one. I am aware of them as a series inside the dream, and I am comparing them with my normal logic and speed. In the dream, I am slowly learning new things about my ability to decide what happens around me, but my control is poor. Something in the conscious mind says "impossible" and I can't allow that to dictate what I do in fantasy. So my project for the next dream will be to address this issue, so I can set off better dreams before letting go of the action. I would definitely prefer to go back to normal dreaming once I've changed the terms, because it feels more free and exciting that way, but it would be cool if I could give myself abilities first and then let them play out on their own.
For one thing, think of the ideas I could have if I could set the stage in one of my story universes, and let my unconscious mind play with the parameters and go wherever. I did this once when I was 12 after some bedtime meditation, and it led to amazing fun.
The train went into a long and curving tunnel where I lost sight of it through a mass of gridlock that shut me out. I veered left towards the other end of the tunnel to cut the train off as it came out, and I knew I had to move fast and take some risks or I'd lose it for good.
I swerved around a guard rail over the edge of the overpass and soared downward. As my bike left the pavement, I looked down, and too late I realized how high up I had been. I was falling hundreds of feet onto the back of the emerging train. There was no way I could land and survive.
My entire body jolted with a spike of nightmare-adrenaline, and once again I felt my conscious mind intervene. "This is not real," I told myself, "And I'm not going to die this way." At that, my falling slowed to a stop. The tracks slowly rose up. I was moving the city, bringing the ground slowly up to meet my wheels, the way I had expected it to be when I first took the shortcut.
At the same time, I realized that if I kept controlling the action I was going to wake up. I was beginning to feel my body, lying on the bed, and I knew that if I moved so much as a finger it would break the spell and I would lose the dream. I tried halfheartedly to fly like a bird, but it didn't work because I had begun to question my abilities. Too much awareness, not enough fantasy. I was thinking about how best to balance the state in the future as I gradually released control of the dream and allowed it to continue.
I lost the train in the time it took me to touch down, but that didn't matter much. See, the whole chase was just a video game anyway, and I knew I would beat my score with no problem on my next try. Then it was all about swimming at a lake with the Captain, and a white and gentle dog the size of a bear was showing me a tiny kitten who was its dearest compantion. Its paw was so huge the kitten could have used it as a bed. I spent the rest of the dream looking at posters of bad anime fanart, and woke up sicker than yesterday, with my puppy curled up beside me on the bed.
Now for some analysis: So far, every time I've cut into a dream, it's been to stop a terrifying thing from happening. The jolt of full-body fear seems to be the signal, right back to the first one. So my question is: am I having more nightmares this month than I ever used to, or am I setting these terrible situations up as a trigger to the lucidity that has begun to increase? Hmm.
Every dream I have is linked to the previous one. I am aware of them as a series inside the dream, and I am comparing them with my normal logic and speed. In the dream, I am slowly learning new things about my ability to decide what happens around me, but my control is poor. Something in the conscious mind says "impossible" and I can't allow that to dictate what I do in fantasy. So my project for the next dream will be to address this issue, so I can set off better dreams before letting go of the action. I would definitely prefer to go back to normal dreaming once I've changed the terms, because it feels more free and exciting that way, but it would be cool if I could give myself abilities first and then let them play out on their own.
For one thing, think of the ideas I could have if I could set the stage in one of my story universes, and let my unconscious mind play with the parameters and go wherever. I did this once when I was 12 after some bedtime meditation, and it led to amazing fun.
March 25, 2009
Galactica, woo!
YAY Battlestar Galactica is finished and I didn't get horribly spoiled on the ending!
I liked it. Not sure if I liked *all* of it, but I give Galactica a pass for being really interesting even when it's not perfect. Also, I've developed such an incredible crush on Tricia Helfer that it's not even funny. She's not even my type, but... yowza.
I liked it. Not sure if I liked *all* of it, but I give Galactica a pass for being really interesting even when it's not perfect. Also, I've developed such an incredible crush on Tricia Helfer that it's not even funny. She's not even my type, but... yowza.
Luka is a Plague Dog Again
Dauuuuugh I'm sick again. Another cold. My shrink joked that I would fall ill because I showed up for my appointment soaking wet from nostrils to tiptoes thanks to an unexpected mid-bike-ride rainstorm, and I laughed. Oh, how I laughed.
I should have remembered that I had two ill roomies at home. I should not have challenged the gods.
I should have remembered that I had two ill roomies at home. I should not have challenged the gods.
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