Ha Ha Ha, I Made You Eat Your Parents!

Legendary anti-Scientology advocate Arnie Lerma has finally spilled the beans on that infamous Big News he's been sitting on for half a year, and boy howdy was it worth the wait!

See, a while back Mr. Lerma got in touch with a sympathetic health food store owner in Clearwater. This fellow supplies local Scientologists with a supplement drink that's supposed to boost their mood and help them pass their whackadoo e-emeter interrogation sessions. When they fail, they must subsequently pay to retake the session, over and over again, until they get a "floating needle" on the quackmachine and pass. Their anxiety supplies the cult of Scientology with plenty of money for suing critics and paying off the occasional coroner.

As it turns out, Mr. Lerma and the health food store owner see eye to eye on many things, and between them is born a wonderful idea. Mr. Lerma suggests the addition of a new ingredient to the magic brew: Lithium Orotate. A relative to the Lithium that keeps people with severe bipolar disorder from spontaneously combusting on subway trains, Lithium Orotate is available at any health food store as a "natural" alternative for hippies with the blues. In El Paso, Texas, it's in the groundwater, and the local crime and mental illness rates are famously low for a city of that size.

Anyway, long story short, the new ingredient is swapped in and life goes on as normal.

But what was the end result of these pharmaceutical shenanigans, you might ask? I'll let Mr. Lerma himself sum it up:

"...it turns out to have a fantastic side effect - a little bit of this stuff will give someone who needs it a FLOATING NEEDLE!!!

So they can FLOAT THROUGH THEIR SECURITY CHECKS!!!

Which is EXACTLY the result it had!

And Flag's income crashed."

Hee hee hee. Psych drugs to the rescue again.