Orlando WHOM?

(The following chat log contains spoilers for the third installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean series, and not much punctuation:)

[19:57] Luka: and man, orlando bloom hasn't got much going for him beyond his looks.

[19:57] Conrad: tell me about it

[19:57] Luka: and that's sad because that's what people used to think about johnny depp only it turned out to not be true.
[19:58] Luka: he was in the film for like...ten seconds. in the first movie
[19:58] Luka: and even then it was because he was doing an impression of Jack Sparrow
[19:58] Luka: then he winked back out again.
[19:58] Luka: never saw him again, it was bizarre.

[19:59] Conrad: who?
[20:00] Conrad: wait, orlando bloom?

[20:00] Luka: he was credited for all three movies but all i saw was a cameo

[20:00] Conrad: he was all through all three movies

[20:00] Luka: it was really weird when elizabeth married her sword and the dutchman became a democracy with no captain

[20:00] Conrad: lol!
[20:01] Conrad: ah, okay

[20:01] Luka: i did see jack talking to someone named 'Will' but i just figured it was another crazy Jackism.
[20:01] Luka: like maybe Will is what he calls his penis?
[20:01] Luka: WHERE THERE'S A WILL THERE'S A WAY
[20:02] Luka: he can't have actually been in the movies, they would have put him on the dvd cover and all i see are chow yun-fat, kiera knightley, johnny depp, geoffrey Rush and that silly dude who's always making cow-eyes

[20:02] Conrad: lol

[20:02] Luka: you know the one. from like...lotr
[20:03] Luka: he's in every movie but you just never remember his name

[20:03] Conrad: you mean the movie where no one ever slides down an elephant's trunk?

[20:03] Luka: that's the one.
[20:03] Luka: it's a fucking conundrum is what it is.