Lobotomies = HAWT

Wow, they sure gelded Sophie in the Da Vinci Code film, didn't they?

I didn't have high hopes considering the source material and its author's penchant for "soft eyes" and look-how-clever-I-am plot twists that sort of aren't.

Still, I find it kind of tragic that Hollywood can't even do a movie about the institutionalized supression of the female sex without dumbing down the leading lady from a determined codebreaking femcop into a pretty, doe-eyed sidekick with a mysterious heritage. Then they transplaned her brains into the leading male (of course) so he could save the day (and the girl).

Sophie: "Eek, my mortal enemy, a three-word anagram! Can you decipher it?"

That Guy From Cast Away: "Sure thing, little darlin'! For I have... a penis!"

I should also add that, in my opinion, the first ten minutes looks like a softcore porn version of the Passion of the Christ. This is not actually a criticism per se considering that the Evil Fake Albino Priest is fairly easy on the eyes even when covered in blood, but whatevs.

This Shit Is Bananas

There is now a children's book that explains that Mommy is kind of like a butterfly, because she starts out as a chubby bundle of inadequacy, goes into a cocoon of scary and risky surgical procedures, and comes out worthy of love. GIRL POWER!

Don't let TV and magazines get the jump on poisoning your daughter's confidence--buy her this book today and let her hear the bad news from someone she trusts.

Pseudo-Feminist Media Meltdown

Here I was, being all smug and superior and thinking my "The Giving Tree was a Metaphor for Incest" theory was such hot shit. But now I've been blown right out of the water by this very stable chick's deconstruction of the phallocentric womyn-skewering feminism's-good-works-undoing pornography that is Firefly:

In which Wash is a seething rageaholic and Joss Whedon sexually assaults his wife

I just have to marvel at this rare glimpse at what Firefly would be like if we lived in a parallel universe where shrimp didn't exist, up was down and batshit was sane. It's just fucking bizarre. I did try, but she lost me right around the time the words "most" "sex" "is" and "rape" appeared in a single sentence.

Mind your manners if you go over there, now. You know that one guy at the zoo who gets really drunk and tries to climb over the tiger exhibit wall and gets eaten by psychotic pseudo-feminists? Yeah. Don't be that guy.

THE FEMALE VOID. LET ME SAVE YOU FROM IT.

Oh, and this is fabulous. Found it on one of the JF wank communities:

Fans of Dave Sim must now sign a declaration that he is not a misogynist or he won't correspond with them. The fine print then goes on to specify that he has several desirable toys and is more than willing to take them and go home if the other children won't let him win. He may even tell.

Yeah, good luck with that, Mr. "the Emotional Female Void devours what is left of the civilisation which has been built by the Rational Male Light." I'm sure the benefit of being surrounded only by the sort of people who would kiss a man's ass for the privilege of hearing him gasp out platitudes about how much women suck will take away the sting of not actually being very relevant at all.

Who'd even sign it? The guy publishes incoherently purple fantasies wherein a totally fictional character (named after himself), tortures the shrieking 'Female Void' into humbled female silence with the power of philosophy-101 logic exercises.

I'll admit I've heard good things about his other stuff, but I refuse to read it unless he signs this paper declaring me the King of Planet Bob. It's only fair.

More Advice For Bad Writers

I hate how every cool, competent female character I used to admire on TV turned out to be a helpless little wisp of a thing hiding her vulnerability behind a tough-as-nails disguise to escape from the pain of her tragic past.

Writers, if the idea of genuine independence is too threatening for you, go find a different character type to play with! Demolishing a heroine's personality just so a big strong male lead can come along and replace it is such pathetic wish fulfillment.