Most every evening Goldilocks
Snacks from Kitty's litterbox.
Then on command, she gives her missus
Lots of little doggie kisses.
The Deavers' errant pit bull, Cass,
Bit the postman on the ass.
Her lower teeth destroyed his sphincter;
Now his walk's a bit distincter.
A naughty St. Bernard named Don
Finds Polly's Kotex in the john.
He holds the blood-steak in his jaws,
And mourns her coming menopause.
Dachsund Skip from Winnipeg
Loves to hump his master's leg.
Every time he gets it up, he
Stains Bill's calves with unborn puppy.
Each night old Bowser licks his balls
Then falls asleep til nature calls.
He poops a stool and, though it's heinous,
Bends back down and licks his anus.
-David Sedaris, "Poems About Dogs"
I love this man. I love this man the way cheese loves other cheese, the way little blue things love the little green things you poke them with.
March 28, 2007
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He is one of the funniest men in the world. Have you heard him read "6-8 Black Men"? We nearly drove off the road during that one.
ReplyDeleteOh God yes. We took his audiobooks with us to Anime Expo, and my turn to drive rolled around right when we hit the really curvy part of the Rocky Mountains. I wasn't feeling at my most alert, so I put on Sedaris.
ReplyDeleteIt was actually "See You Again Yesterday" that almost caused our fiery auto wreck, but I promise you that no neither of us got any sleep that night.
Everytime he gets it up, he
ReplyDeleteStains Bill's leg with unborn puppy?
No No No No
Has to be, it must be
Everytime he gets it up, he
Stains Bill's leg with unborn pup
Fastidious on call
To the last commentator, you're wrong about that. Use your fastidiousness to notice that Mr. Sedaris rhymed 'up, he' with 'puppy,' which works. Remember poets consciously choose line breaks where they want you to pause. The comma is proper grammar, but the line break is the rhythm.
ReplyDeleteI love David Sedaris!