WHEN I GO TO THE GROCERY STORE IT TAKES ALL MY WILLPOWER TO RESIST THE URGE TO DRINK ALL THE SYRUP ON THE SHELVES. I WANT TO TEAR OPEN THE BOXES OF COCOA PUFFS AND RUB THE CRUMBLING CONTENTS INTO MY BLOATED SWEATY MEAT-FOLDS FOR LATER CONSUMPTION. I DON'T ACTUALLY LIKE CEREAL OR SYRUP BUT I AM FAT AND IT IS SIMPLE INSTINCT. AS A CHILD I EVEN HAD TO BE TRAINED NOT TO ATTACK PEOPLE DRESSED LIKE GIANT ICE CREAM CONES.
THANK YOU, TIME.COM, FOR CAPTURING MY HEROIC STRUGGLE ON FILM TO SHARE WITH THE WORLD. AND FOR NOT CUTTING OFF MY HEAD THIS TIME.
HEAVING ROLLS OF LOVE,
ASSMASTER JONES
Posts
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteFat is the new zombie. Infected souls are forced to walk the line between life and death, eternal slaves to the need to consume.
ReplyDeleteAnd DAMN, I tell you, that training is hard to keep up! Why, just yesterday I drove past a man in a chicken suit and had to resist the urge to slather him in gravy for delicious feasting!!
ReplyDelete