November 21, 2008

The Reaping: Blood Libel Is OK If You Have A Black Sidekick

So I was watching The Reaping just now, and it was shaping up to be a mildly entertaining flick. And then came the part, about halfway through the film, where poor Hilary Swank finally tells the whole story of how her husband and daughter died: The Sudanese ritually sacrificed them both as an offering to the rain gods.

WHAT.

The flashbacks rolled on as an eeeevil spooky ignorant painted witch doctor gutted the precious Aryan missionary family, destroying Swank's pure Christian faith with his dark and barbaric savagery (not to mention his machete).

Oh, the pathos!

The moral of the story: no matter how much you try to teach them your modern ways, dirty primitive third-world people such as Christian/animist refugees, Jews and hobos will straight up kill your innocent blonde children at the first sign of a dry summer. They just don't know any better. And of course, the spectre of the spooky witch-doctor follows Whitey McHonkenweiss around with a machete throughout the film lest we, the audience, forget her suffering. Bleah! I keep wanting to yell "You missed one! She's right here!"

There is only one thing that could redeem this heap of blood-libelous bullshit now: ROCKS FALL, EVERYONE DIES. That's it. No other options remain.

And yeah, I know it's just a movie and I shouldn't take it so seriously, but this is the 21st century. Do we white people really still need to be doing this racist bullshit? It's like a StormFront campfire story where everyone sits around and deliberately avoids toasting marshmallows to preserve their pure whiteness. I can hear them now:

SCOUTMASTER:
And then the big scary negro.... interbred with the white women!

CAMPERS:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!


EDIT: Aaaaand the only black character is an ex-gangbanger. Of course he is. And he dies first. Of course he does.

4 comments:

  1. Ty-ping writes:
    And that's why I didn't like the second Indiana Jones movie. Not as certain people say (because it wasn't christian, I liked the 4th one) But because of the anti-research that went into it before insulting anyone who knows the name of Kali, let alone any acctual hindu within a 10 foot radius.

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  2. racism doesn't make it a bad movie. Also, I liked Sidekick Guy, I thought he seemed realistic

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  3. Racism doesn't make a movie bad, no, but it's like talking to a pretty girl and getting up the nerve to ask her to dinner on Saturday night, and right before you open your mouth she tells a joke about black people and then waits expectantly for you to laugh.

    She's still pretty, but damn if I didn't just decide to spend my whole weekend with the cats.

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  4. Racism doesn't make a movie bad: it just makes it really annoying or pretty much unwatchable if you have a social conscious. Even movies from the fifties and earlier, where you keep telling yourself the white people just didn't think about it the way we do now even if they weren't out and out racists, and the black people might have been mad, but it's not like they could say anything and keep their job.

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