Third Post In One Day, WTF

Since I'm in a complainy mood today, let me just throw in one more.

I'm getting awfully sick of people bitching that gay marriage is a stupid right to agitate for because "gays already have civil unions and that's good enough." No, it isn't.

It annoys me even more when somebody decides to defend this bullshit by stating they're uncomfortable messing with religious rituals, as if marriage is nothing more than a promise made in a church, with value only in the eyes of Jesus.

This argument makes a lot of sense if you lose half your damn brain and forget that marriage is a federally recognized legal contract between a man, a woman, and the IRS. Why else would divorce require lawyers instead of turning around three times and saying "get thee fucked with thy homewrecker" before spitting through your fingers at the foot of the cheating bastard/bitch?

The Big Sky Daddy may or may not even RSVP--it's still going to be a marriage. Atheists get married every single day. Does that mean they're only in a civil union?

Do you really think keeping one narrow definition of one damn word sacred is really worth all this fuss? I don't.

Tell you what, let's not have gay marriage after all. Instead, let's invite the Mormon church to send checks to all the homosexuals they've helped to royally screw over this election year. That way, they can afford to hire lawyers and spend a few weeks going through and signing all the papers required to bestow the 1000+* partnership rights and responsibilities which are instantly granted to any man and woman in Las Vegas who happen to drink too much at the casino bar.

Then we can all live happily ever after, separate but equal, just the way God intended.




*Void where prohibited by blue laws.

Lobotomies = HAWT

Wow, they sure gelded Sophie in the Da Vinci Code film, didn't they?

I didn't have high hopes considering the source material and its author's penchant for "soft eyes" and look-how-clever-I-am plot twists that sort of aren't.

Still, I find it kind of tragic that Hollywood can't even do a movie about the institutionalized supression of the female sex without dumbing down the leading lady from a determined codebreaking femcop into a pretty, doe-eyed sidekick with a mysterious heritage. Then they transplaned her brains into the leading male (of course) so he could save the day (and the girl).

Sophie: "Eek, my mortal enemy, a three-word anagram! Can you decipher it?"

That Guy From Cast Away: "Sure thing, little darlin'! For I have... a penis!"

I should also add that, in my opinion, the first ten minutes looks like a softcore porn version of the Passion of the Christ. This is not actually a criticism per se considering that the Evil Fake Albino Priest is fairly easy on the eyes even when covered in blood, but whatevs.

RUBBER BUTTLESS CHAPS

This whole "parents rush to Nebraska to dump their teenagers" thing is like deja vu all over again. It happened to me at age 12, back in 1993. I got lucky because at least my parents stayed in the state with me, but still. I feel for you kids, I really do.

Good luck to whoever goes to the prop 8 protests this weekend. I'm not going myself because I'm a lazy shit who would rather sleep, but godspeed. Don't let anyone tell you that it's a waste of energy showing solidarity and maintaining a positive public presence. It'll do some good nationwide when folks see you and realize you're not monsters, but pretty much just regular people. It's a bummer that there will probably be freaks showing up in rubber buttless chaps because they think gay=SEXXXXX PARTY WOOO NO RULEZZZ. Ah well.

It's so delicious and moist!

Two moar pages of the walking undead. Bit of a silly misunderstanding between our two male heroes this week:



Now I have to go take my dog on a bike ride. Boredom has flattened him into a limp dog pancake on my floor and he is making noises.

Teenage Rebellion (Traditional Recipe):

You will need:

1 tbsp Accutane
2 power-tripping parents
5 months being grounded for being a complete dumbass
1 dash realization that your parents (and by extension, all Authority figures) are frauds
1 pinch of ego (to taste)

Add hormones and stir over high heat. Serves the whole family.

Leftovers can still taste delicious several years later if deep-frozen. Simply thaw during adulthood and serve over fresh steaming embarrassment.