Hypothetical

I got 1x Fat Lip! I got 1X sore face! I scored 100 points!

How did this happen? YOU CAN BLAME THIS LITTLE BASTARD.



If you can ignore the horribly stained and scarred floor for a moment, you will notice something that looks a bit like a big-eyed puppy in the center of the frame.

Yes, Hypothetical exists. He is currently sleeping on my dirty floor on a clean towel, all tuckered out from a long day of excitement and adoption. He is a pointer mix, four months old and very very timid. He doesn't like loud noises, but is very gentle on a leash and comes immediately when I call him. He doesn't seem to bark, but makes little whuffling noises in his sleep. And the jingling, of course.

He already knows how to sit and stay, which is excellent for starters. He also pees with helpless submission if I scold him too sternly for doing naughty things like carrying my slipper around in his mouth. If I catch him in time, I can redirect his terror. Otherwise, I have to kick around paper towels and spray pet odor stuff.

He also has enormous webbed feets, which is how he managed to clawed shit out of my face on the ride home. He seemed to think there was a ladder to freedom located somewhere on my forehead and it was his sincerest wish to climb out of the car on it. Fate and gravity intervened and he spent the rest of the trip huddled against me, drooling down my arm. I think he'll make a fine driving dog someday.

He learns quickly not to do stupid shit and has begun to grasp the concept of "No" and "Not for dogs!" I haven't got a clue about his poo schedule, though, which is not so great. If there's one smell I hate, it's dogshit. Inevitably gonna have to take care of a few accidents before we get settled in, but I'm looking forward to having it over with. Next step is definitely going to be a bath--dude is most certainly not smelling pine fresh.

Now for the annoying part -- after all this searching, I finally hit on the right dog for me on a fucking Friday, which means I've been cleaning up fear-pee and spraying everything with bitter apple all afternoon instead of finishing the pages for this week. Gawd dammit, I knew SOMETHING would come up to throw the schedule out of whack. It's more of a rule than an exception this year. No worries, I will make it up to you if the pages are late due to Hypothetical-induced Exhaustion factor.

On the bright side, I hear the cats are organizing a lynch mob upstairs. Ooh, this is gonna be FUN!