I Hate This Place III: Another Day, Another 911 Call

The Captain started barking at a faint noise in the street. I turned off the show I was watching and could hear angry voices yelling back and forth. We rushed to the window to see a bunch of different people yelling and cursing at each other in the street.

The Captain spotted them and let out a loud, angry ba-WOO howl. I have never heard him bark like that since I adopted him. Looks like he's working out as a hell of a burglar alarm.

After he shut up, we hunkered in the window and spied on the street to see what was going on.

There were four or five young men lunging at each other in the street, brandishing bats and some kind of shiny metal poles. One guy had two poles and was swinging them around like swords. They were yelling and calling each other names. At first I was like, "Fuck calling the cops, I want to see what happens" but then my conscience kicked in. Also, I wanted to see somebody get arrested, because that's always fun to watch.

Only problem was, the downstairs phone was dead. So I ran to the attic where Jesse has his line and found him at his own window, also watching the fun. He was able to hear a lot more than I did, since his window was open and there was no barking dog up there.

Jesse heard somebody threaten to run somebody else over, then an engine started up and revved. We couldn't see any of this, due to a tree blocking the view, but then there was a loud collision in the street and someone yelled "Go, go, GO!"

A silver minivan sped off down Triple Murder Street with a bunch of guys chasing it, all still holding their improvised weapons. The van stopped for a bit then took off again. Maybe it was picking up a straggler.

I was on the phone relaying all this to the dispatcher and asking Jesse to help identify the van as closely as possible (which wasn't much due to the darkness). Then we hung up and I came back downstairs to see what had been hit, if possible. I was standing on the porch trying to get a better look, but all I could see were silhouettes of people still holding poles and sticks, arguing in loud voices.

Then a silver pickup truck pulled out of a driveway and headed straight down the other end of Triple Murder Street. Not thirty seconds later, police cruisers were pulling over. The first two or three stopped in front of the house where all the ruckus seemed to have begun.

A cop got out with a high-powered flashlight, pointing it in the faces of all the street fighters. There was a lot of yelling and angry bellows, plus a very familiar snarling noise and the sound of a scuffle as a giant dog barked and howled and attempted to lunge at the cop, which got everyone yelling and trying to hold it back.

I was like, whoa! Deja vu! That ruckus sure sounded awfully familiar. Could it be...?

Yes, friends! The source of the lame-ass street fight, attempted vehicular dorkicide, and subsequent flight from justice was none other than the garage sale house where the two psycho-dogs attacked the Captain and me.

Ain't life just too fucking perfect?

Six or seven cruisers in all pulled up, some of which parked in front of the garage sale trash house. The rest took off down all four directions from the intersection with their lights off, moving very slowly.

It was all over about ten minutes later. I have no idea what happened after the dog tried to jump the cop, but I regret to inform you that I didn't hear any gunshots :(


I LOVE SAINT PAUL! AND ALSO NEVER GETTING ANY WORK DONE BECAUSE SO MUCH IS ALWAYS GOING ON OUTSIDE!

That said, I'm shading the four pages that were due on Saturday. Three more are coming up this next Saturday, if I'm still alive.

If Luka can surviiiive...