September 15, 2007

Fly The Fatty Skies, Bitches

Check out the latest (and rather pitiful) bombshell dropped in the ongoing crusade against people fatter than your first girlfriend:

Fatasses Use More Airline Fuel, Let's Beat Them With Sticks!

No word yet on whether the 145 pound guy who sings along with his iPod in 35-A, the frazzled Adderall-popping soccer mom in 44-B, or her three future school shooters screeching at each other over a stolen Pokemon card in the aisles have been banned from flying due to the useless extra weight they add to the aircraft. One witch-hunt against groups of people we don't like at a time, people.

I am looking forward to seeing whether they plan to partially refund ticket prices for the many amputees, supermodels and dwarfs who fly the friendly skies. I'm sure the numbers will be totally fair and balanced.

Seriously though. I got a little bit of a chuckle out of it, but this latest chaw on the same old wad of tobacco is tasting kind of bland. I get the feeling that the amorphous 'they' who come up with this shit are starting to run out of steam. But if they're this desperate for a fresh angle, maybe they should find something else to talk about? A missing blonde child, perhaps? I'm sure there's got to be one of those somewhere in this country.

Speaking of tobacco, I read sometime recently, but failed to retain a link to, this delightful opinion piece from this dude who was waxing all 'persecuted white American male' because it's not socially permissible yet to bully people for being fat the way you can for smoking. Which makes me wonder what HE'S smoking that makes him think we chunks-o-plenty don't get all of that and worse, but whatever.

Apparently choosing to smoke and being a giant fatass are totally comparable now. Both are examples of deliberate moral failure deserving punishment, except you should pity a smoker just a little bit because he was forced to choose his addiction, whereas we fat people are all lazy and eat lard sandwiches and the fingers of unborn babies.

Also, hanging out with fat people causes asthma in children. I read it somewhere.



Apples and Oranges: two strangers suffering as one from the effects of a roundness epidemic.

2 comments:

  1. Mmm, baby fingers.

    No, hanging out with fat people makes children fat. Where've you been?

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  2. >_< next they'll provide scientific evidence that fatties are the cause of global warming because their tremendous combined weight is causing the earths axis to shift.

    ReplyDelete