Bullying Helpless Mennonites, or "How Not To Win An Internet"

I just had the most wonderful chat with one of my readers on AIM, and thought I should share it here as an object lesson for the rest of you. Their SNs are not obscured because I less than care at this point.

Evil the Kid: yo
Luka Pants: heyaq
Evil the Kid: I won an internet today
Luka Pants: oh>
Luka Pants: how so?
Evil the Kid: I scared a menonite shitless
Evil the Kid: The story is as follows:

Bad Habit: well, I was driving my car on a rural road, and I come up behind one.
Bad Habit: I turned off my lights and drifted towards him (he was riding a bike)
Bad Habit: I got fourty five feet behind him, and then turned on my lights and revved the fucking engine
Bad Habit: He fucking bolted, and almost went in a ditch
Bad Habit: As I passed him, I honked my horn many times

Luka Pants: ehhh? Why did you do that?

*** "Evil the Kid" signed off at Tue Feb 26 22:45:10 2008.

*** "Evil the Kid" signed on at Wed Feb 27 16:38:22 2008.

Luka Pants: So you were telling me your story last night.

Evil the Kid: Yes, yes I was
Evil the Kid: keyboard wacked out and wouldn't let me type
Evil the Kid: I believe you asked why I would do such a thing
Evil the Kid: two reasons

Luka Pants: Do tell!
Luka Pants: I've been burning to hear it.

Evil the Kid: 1) He was in the middle of the road, with narry a reflector (pitch black outside)
Evil the Kid: 2) because he was swerving, and I assumed that he was quite drunk

Luka Pants: I don't get it. He was being unsafe, so you endangered his life...?

Evil the Kid: I only scared him

Luka Pants: You said you almost sent him into a ditch. From my experience with bikes, that's a damn good way to kill a guy.

Evil the Kid: If he looked like he got hurt, I would've pulled over and assisted him
Evil the Kid: whether it was my fault or not

Luka Pants: So you pulled some cruel petty shit on a member of one of the most pacifistic religions on the planet and almost caused him to have an accident. How does that win you an internet, and why did you think I would pat you on the back and say "good job!" ?

Evil the Kid: Pacifistic?

Luka Pants: That's been bugging me all night, see. Because far from laughing at the hijinks, I felt literally sick to my stomach reading your posts.

Evil the Kid: I got chased down by those fuckers one time
Evil the Kid: they shot at me

Luka Pants: I was kind of hoping you might explain what the fuck you were thinking.
Luka Pants: Ah, so he got to pay for somebody else's actions? Awesome.

Evil the Kid: do all scientologists brainwash?

Luka Pants: Did it ever cross your mind that one of my biggest missions in life is to stamp out assholes who bully others for their own amusement? If so, how does that jibe with you bragging at me about what you did to the poor bastard?
Luka Pants: I'm very curious.
Luka Pants: I do like to talk about how much it pisses me off seeing somebody fuck with the weak, see. I'm not quiet about it at all.

Evil the Kid: Kay, I did something stupid. I'll admit it

Luka Pants: I hope I don't give off a "please tell me all about the puppy you kicked" vibe.

Evil the Kid: Nope

Luka Pants: No, you did something unbelievably stupid and downright evil. From a simple traffic standpoint, you put the guy's life in danger. But you also thought it was fun times.
Luka Pants: That's just sad, and I really feel bad hearing it.
Luka Pants: I mean, what the fuck?

Evil the Kid: Well, looks like I fucked up then

Luka Pants: And you needed me telling you this to figure that out? Dude, I am so done with you.

*** "Evil the Kid" signed off at Wed Feb 27 18:15:04 2008.


Who knows? I could be the asshole here. Maybe some dude in a funny hat DID try to pop a cap in your edgy little ass during a gallop-by shooting. Maybe this guy deserves to be stalked and terrorized on a public roadway for being a Mennonite and failing to use a bike reflector--I'm not a sadist; I can't make that judgment call.

But please, people. Please, please, PLEASE, if your idea of good clean fun is to go single out and abuse the weak and defenseless, don't fucking come to me and ask for a high-five. It's hard enough facing the chaos of this modern world without imagining your bigoted, bullying ass being part of it.