June 6, 2007

The Scrubs Season Finale Ate My Balls

According to the writers of Scrubs, the right thing to do when a child asks where babies come from is to lie to him or her and say Mommy and Daddy "made a wish." Telling children the truth about sex is mean, and strips parents of their chance to vicariously relive their fantasy of what it's like to be innocent. Or something.

Scrubs later goes on to advise the audience that when two people who don't love each other get pregnant, the best choice is to grit your teeth and stay with the person for the sake of the baby. Even if there is no hope of reconciliation, several objective characters insist that the expecting mother should be humored and lied to in order to give her hope.

And with that, my patience for this show has run out. Halfway through the season finale, I discovered I was done. I had no interest in even finishing it, even though I paid $1.99 for it on iTunes. I eventually did watch the rest, since I felt it would give me sufficient authority to slag it off in my blog as the worst thing since moldy sliced bread.

I wanted to think that this latest bullshit is an attempt by the writers to get us to see how immature the characters are, by allowing them to convey their flawed logic without a narrative overlay of reality.

But this show just isn't smart enough to pull off something as ambitious as that. And just listen to the inspiring emotional music that swells when the bullshit moral is conveyed. The music has been used to hammer home life lessons and hard truths for six seasons now.

I cannot trust a creator who brags about how he has no interest in dragging a certain "will they/won't they" relationship drama out for year after year, yet still makes the "will they/won't they" relationship drama the focal point of the show six years running. Yeahhhh...

The Scrubs gravy train has congealed and now glides along, greasy and cold, on its rusty circular track. The characters have been paired off and handed darling clever little babies to fill the gaping hole where a funny hospital show once lived. Watching it now is like being chained to a wall and forced to watch Garden State over and over, except even more shitty.

These days, I have trouble telling the preaching and moralizing apart from the punch lines of the jokes. And speaking of jokes, I think I can safely say that Season 6 can be summed up in twelve words:

"Some of the people on this show are black. Oh hey, BABIES!"

That's three whole more words than when the show started, people.

This show jumped the shark two seasons ago, and even though I used to hope it was showing signs of life, it's clear now that it will never recover. I could keep watching it for the sake of the children, but frankly, I fucking hate children.

And speaking of Luka being in a position to watch and be disappointed in television programming, I'm BACK! The road trip ended yesterday and all was well. I have many stories, but they'll have to wait because I'm too tired to write it all down.

Update will be on the 9th, as promised. Until then, I'll toss in a reminder that the Not Quite Dead Yet Raffle will be ending with the update. If you still want a chance to appear in Kagerou and get your ass killed, now's probably a good time to get those tickets.

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